Dang, I promised more than I can deliver (Part 1)

April 16, 2007 in Getting Things Done, Planning & Action | 1 comment

Promises raise others’ expectations. And you have to work hard to live up to the expectation. It becomes a threshold that you have to cross to attain a good credibility and trust, if you care.

Promise less, deliver more. That should be the mantra of life. I promised a lot in my Ph.D. proposal but I think I will not be able to deliver the same given that I have only couple of more months left to graduate.

So why don’t we promise less and deliver more? After all, people remember what you deliver (especially, if it is more than they expect) rather than what you promised (unless you don’t fulfill them).

What is a promise?

“an express[ed] assurance on which expectation is to be based” – Dictionary.com.

- A mission statement of a company is a promise they have made to their customers, e.g., Walt Disney – “To make people happy.”
- A thesis proposal is a promise you make to your area of research and your committee members.
- A job announcement is a promise to the future employee about work opportunities.
- A banknote is a promise to pay the bearer that amount of money.
- A political agenda is a promise by a politician or a political company to the people.

Promises are the keys to start and maintain a relationship.

How much you care about a relationship is measured by how much you deliver to fulfill your promises. Promises need not be big. You have started a relationship, even when you make a small promise. To maintain that relationship, all you have to do is to keep your small promise.

But still we see people making big promises and not delivering. It jeopardizes the relationship. Credibility and trust is put on stake.

Why do we promise more than can be delivered?

1. Short term gains

- Promises are made to gain approval, to impress, or to please (to win election, to get a grant, to close a deal).

2. Wrong notion of available resources (or capabilities)

- Promises are made without estimating how much and when they can be delivered (product release, project/thesis proposals).

3. Can’t say no

- Promises are made because we don’t know how to say ‘no’ in a ‘non-hurting’ way.

If promises are not fulfilled, employees move to other companies, new employees are hired and old ones are fired, new collaborations are made breaking the old ones, new friends are found replacing the old ones, new relationship is sought replacing the old one.

Promises are responsibilities you take upon yourself setting an expectation bar. If we are not careful with them, they can lead to a lot of stress and disappointments. Remember,

For every promise, there is price to pay – Jim Rohn

Have you promised more than you could deliver? What price did you pay for it?

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Protecting my relationships from the myth of common sense

March 26, 2007 in Personal Development | 1 comment

The myth of common sense needs to be shattered.

Earlier I couldn’t understand why people, especially some of my friends, are not able to comprehend things that are simple and quite obvious in my understanding.

I believed that a person in any given situation would act/react based on logical thinking by default. But it doesn’t work exactly like that.

I believed in existence of common sense and it led me to confusion and frustration. But not any more.

I have learned that actions and reactions that are obvious to me are not necessarily obvious to others and vice-versa.

FriendsEvery individual has different origin, experiences, and way of interpreting the situation. Based on which we feel that we have acquired the knowledge to act/react in a particular situation in the best possible way. In fact right now I am assuming that this is common sense by saying ‘we’ on your behalf. But of course, you might disagree with me. So it is not common sense.

Belief in existence of common sense doesn’t lead anywhere, definitely not to happiness. When we believe in common sense, we are disrespecting people who don’t ‘get it’ according to us. This is not a healthy attitude and eventually it leads to clashes in relationships.

Instead, now I believe in existence of responsibility. Responsibility to become a better person, an educated being. Responsibility to understand the world around us and our actions/reactions. Responsibility to respect others’ views and opinions. Responsibility to make relationships work.

I have stayed in many different cities over the years changing schools and making new friends every time I moved. Fortunately, I have been blessed with great friends everywhere. Like others, I have seen and experienced the making and breaking of relationships. A group of friends disintegrates on petty arguments while another sustains through disagreements. Common sense has no role in it. Obvious is not obvious. Each individual has to become responsible to maintain relationships.

RelationshipsI have come to the conclusion that only those relationships survive in which each individual takes responsibility to accommodate both differential and integral aspects of the relationship. Yes, you read it right – differential and integral aspects of a relationship.

You might be thinking that I have lost my mind to talk about mathematical concepts. Not exactly. Let me explain what I mean by the differential and integral aspects of a relationship.

In differential approach an individual takes responsibility to keep and develop his own identity, and pursue individual goals. It helps in preserving who you are as an individual. It is a must-have feature. Flexibility and freedom play important role in it.

Whereas in integral approach each individual takes responsibility to respect each others’ identity and invest in each others’ goals. This too is a must-have feature. It helps in preserving who you are together. Cooperation and compromise play important role in this.

(Sounds simple but there is more to it. I will save it for another post.)

The presence of both differential and integral aspects is important to make and maintain good relationships. In absence of the differential aspect, an individual might feel suffocated where as in absence of the integral aspect, one might feel alone and disconnected. In either case, the relationship disintegrates.

I am not a relationships expert. But I am learning. Even if there exists something like common sense, I prefer to believe in responsibility, responsibility to become an educated being.

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Bend it like Beckham. But how? Part 2

March 2, 2007 in Getting Things Done, Motivation, Personal Development, Planning & Action | 6 comments

In my earlier post (part 1), I said that two individuals practicing for same number of hours might not progress at the same speed. This means that they might not get the same results from their endeavors. Why is that? Is one person having more natural talent than the other? Not likely. The difference is in one’s ability to choose where to focus. Choosing where to focus, what to practice on is not easy as it sounds. You might say, “Just focus on the barriers and you’ll be Barrierfine.” I am sorry to break this illusion but it doesn’t work this way. If your focus is on the wrong barrier, you won’t accomplish your goal, and your under performance will lead to frustration.

So the key is to identify different kinds of barriers. Based on my experiences and readings, I consider mainly two kinds of barriers.

1. Primary barriers

First type of barriers are those which hamper your progress. These barriers interfere with your strengths and that’s why you are not able to reach your full potential. These are the primary barriers.

2. Secondary barriers

Second type of barriers are those which do not block your progress. These barriers do not prevent you from exercising your strengths to full extent. These are the secondary barriers.

CricketFor example, in cricket fastest bowlers are not the best bowlers. So, lack of speed in my bowling is not the real cause of my average performance. Speed is the secondary barrier. My primary barrier is the lack of good length and tight line. So, instead of practicing for fastest delivery, I should be practicing for good line and length.

What to do?

The trick is to distinguish between these types of barriers and work only on the primary barriers. Working on secondary barriers is a waste of time unless you have already overcome your primary barriers and overcoming the secondary barriers will help you perform better. Overcoming primary barriers will allow you to play to your strengths with full potential. Do understand that this will improve your effectiveness but not necessarily your efficiency. In essence, to become a great performer what you have to answer is – how to be more effective (in practice sessions).

To be able to distinguish between these two types of barriers requires clear understanding of what you want to achieve. If your goals are not clear to you, you will never be able to identify and focus on your primary barriers. Another important thing to remember is to keep your mind open to suggestions. Sometimes, when you can’t see the primary barriers, external sources, like your teachers, parents, siblings, or friends, might help.

For example

When I was in 7th standard, we were learning how to balance chemical equations in our chemistry class. Every one was practicing hard on it because that was the only topic that was supposed to be in our midterms. Like everyone, I was alsoBalancing chemical equation practicing a lot to solve the equations using mathematical concepts. But maths alone was not enough to make it work. I was not getting the right answers, no matter how much I practiced.

Thanks to my mother, she saw me in frustration and came to help.

The first thing she made me to do was to memorize the periodic table and learn the atomicity of all the elements in the table. Knowing whether the element is diatomic, triatomic, etc. helped me deciding what multiplication factors can be used to balance the equations. Then we set up some rules, e.g., tackle the complex molecules first and the independent elements last.

So, this time I practiced with the knowledge of atomicity of the elements keeping the rules in my mind. The result – I was the only student in my batch to get all the answers correct in the midterms. That definitely made me popular in the school but the important thing was the lesson I learned. Jump over the barrier

Finale

Lesson learned was: know what is obstructing your progress and work only on it.

What really matters is your ability to recognize what really matters. You cannot run blindly for one thing today and for another tomorrow. Identify the limiting factors, differentiate them into primary and secondary barriers, and focus completely on the primary barriers.

Practice with a plan and the knowledge of the primary barriers. Some people are able to do it subconsciously, while others, including me, need to be explicit about it.

Read also: Bend it like Beckham. But how? Part 1

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Never say die

February 22, 2007 in Motivation | 1 comment

One of the readers of Educated Being, Sarang, emailed this to me:
——
People from our floor at the company were celebrating Profit Sharing day and part of it was the dart game. Each of us had two chances to burst a balloon a dart. Some selective balloons had attractive prizes in them. I was aiming at the balloon shown in the photo (photo was taken after it had burst out). In my first throw the dart kissed the balloon but didn’t do any good. In the next throw, the balloon was pinned by the dart on one end while the tail end was pinned by the thumb pin. But it didn’t burst and was still full with air. I called it perfection to console myself from feeling miserable and cursing my luck.

Finally, I gave up hope. But as soon as I turned around, the room got louder as the balloon started losing its pressure and soon all the air escaped through a small hole. I won a prize, a $5.00 Subway coupon. What an achievement right? Not as big as the joy of bursting the target in atmost 2 chances.

Moral of the story that I learnt is “Don’t ever give up. Even a small impact at the right place might win you an award“. I will have this picture in my memory for ever.
——

This reminds me of a female who lost her voice in an accident when she was 18 but suddenly started speaking again after 20 years. Though the two incidences cannot be compared but both have a common thread of hope. It is easy to give up after initial setbacks. But hope and faith keep us moving forward. Believe in yourself and keep trying.

Be a Eveready bunny. Never say die.

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