What happened to genuinity?

June 4, 2007 in Education & Learning, Graduate School, Ph.D. | 2 comments

What happened to genuinity?
No, not the word ‘genuinity’.
It doesn’t even exist.
I mean genuineness.

In a recent issue of a popular technical magazine, there was an article on networking for about-to-graduate-students. In that article, the author gave some ‘practical’ tips on how to build your network of prospective employers by pretending that you are not a job-seeker, and asking ’sincere’ questions to build credibility. One of the tips was to ask recruiters their advice on how to improve your resume. In a nutshell, the author was implying that the perception of genuineness matters more than genuineness itself. But as Penelope says,

When you need a job, you’re not networking, you’re calling in favors.

It is really painful to read such articles with ‘practical’ tips. Why are such authors teaching students to pretend and manipulate, when the students are actually looking for a job? Why editors are allowing such stuff for publication that misleads the students? Don’t they feel responsible to educate students to be honest and genuine, and build a strong foundation for young generation? Or is it just about getting from here to there by any means?

What concerns me most is that the people who have ‘authority’ to disseminate knowledge are not careful enough to understand how such advice affects the younger generation. If these so-called ‘educated’ people don’t realize it’s impact, they shouldn’t be given such authority. They are corrupting the youth, the future. They are planting seeds of insincerity and dishonesty, which will soon grow into trees of hypocrisy and corruption.

This is related to what Stephen R. Covey said about the shift from character ethics to personality ethics in his book. The new trend is to create a perception of genuineness for personal gains. Many individuals and business organizations are doing it. Yes, it works sometimes, but in the end we are corrupting our own society. We are weakening the foundation on which a civilization survives.

Once you manipulate and if it works, you are tempted to do it again. The effects of such manipulating behavior are so subtle on you that without you knowing, soon it becomes a habit. You start manipulating your boss, clients, family and friends to get what you want. It seeps into your character and soon a wall of pretension builds around you, eventually leaving you alone, desperate and unsatisfied.

So, I request you all fellow students to not fall for such cheap tactics which will harm you in the long run. You don’t need to manipulate to become successful. Let’s not kill ‘genuinity’.

Also read:

Dang, I promised more than I can deliver (Part 2)

April 22, 2007 in Getting Things Done, Motivation, Personal Development, Planning & Action | No comments

We are social animals. We cannot survive alone. We develop relationships to grow and prosper. In each relationship we are branded, sometimes without us knowing. Agree or not, but every day we are marketing our personal brand, ‘Me Inc.’, in personal and professional worlds. Everything we do is either enhancing or damaging our brand. The simplest way to improve the brand image is to keep the promises we make. It is easy to say, but difficult to do. It is even harder to deliver more than promised. In the previous post, we discussed about why we tend to make promises that we cannot/don’t intend to keep.

Promises may fit the friends, but non-performance will turn them into enemies. – Benjamin Franklin

A promise gives other person a basis to expect something humanly tangible from you. He is then less worried about the uncertainties and this makes him at ease to some extent. But if you want to rise beyond expectations, over deliver.

Why to deliver more than promised?

1. For personal satisfaction: I try to keep promises I make. That makes me a responsible person. But there is nothing unpredictable in it. Fun is when I over-deliver and exceed the expectations. Whenever I deliver more than promised, I feel good for doing a quality job, and my confidence gets a boost. Moreover, my ‘extra’ efforts are recognized and appreciated by others.

2. To gain trust: Once people around you know that you put in extra efforts to deliver beyond expectations, they start trusting you. They will stick with you as long as possible since they know that at the least they are going to get what is promised. I am a vegetarian and I face problems when I go out to dine because of limited choices. But in a few restaurants, they understand my plight and offer me more options than stated on the menu. So, I visit those restaurants more often.

3. To take relationships to the next level: Delivering more than promised makes you extraordinary. You not only gain trust but also win a following. You create evangelists for your brand. Why people love Google, Firefox and Apple so much? Why their users become their marketers too? It is because they deliver more than what other search engines, internet browsers, and personal computers offer. The relationship between them and their users has advanced to the next level. Please find me a user who is not happy with them.

Have you ever under-promised and over-delivered? Do you put extra efforts to rise above expectations?

However, sometimes we are not able to keep our promises, even if we want to. After all we are humans. Things do go wrong and mistakes happen. It is important to remember that mistakes are allowed provided we accept and don’t repeat the same.

What to do if we could not keep our promise?

Instead of hiding, ignoring or lying about it, if we just communicate and accept it openly, we can still maintain the relationship and not lose the trust.

- Accept it. Tell the truth. Move on.

- Learn from your mistake or keep your mouth shut next time.

[Update]

Also Read:

Dang, I promised more than I can deliver (Part 1)

April 16, 2007 in Getting Things Done, Planning & Action | 1 comment

Promises raise others’ expectations. And you have to work hard to live up to the expectation. It becomes a threshold that you have to cross to attain a good credibility and trust, if you care.

Promise less, deliver more. That should be the mantra of life. I promised a lot in my Ph.D. proposal but I think I will not be able to deliver the same given that I have only couple of more months left to graduate.

So why don’t we promise less and deliver more? After all, people remember what you deliver (especially, if it is more than they expect) rather than what you promised (unless you don’t fulfill them).

What is a promise?

“an express[ed] assurance on which expectation is to be based” – Dictionary.com.

- A mission statement of a company is a promise they have made to their customers, e.g., Walt Disney – “To make people happy.”
- A thesis proposal is a promise you make to your area of research and your committee members.
- A job announcement is a promise to the future employee about work opportunities.
- A banknote is a promise to pay the bearer that amount of money.
- A political agenda is a promise by a politician or a political company to the people.

Promises are the keys to start and maintain a relationship.

How much you care about a relationship is measured by how much you deliver to fulfill your promises. Promises need not be big. You have started a relationship, even when you make a small promise. To maintain that relationship, all you have to do is to keep your small promise.

But still we see people making big promises and not delivering. It jeopardizes the relationship. Credibility and trust is put on stake.

Why do we promise more than can be delivered?

1. Short term gains

- Promises are made to gain approval, to impress, or to please (to win election, to get a grant, to close a deal).

2. Wrong notion of available resources (or capabilities)

- Promises are made without estimating how much and when they can be delivered (product release, project/thesis proposals).

3. Can’t say no

- Promises are made because we don’t know how to say ‘no’ in a ‘non-hurting’ way.

If promises are not fulfilled, employees move to other companies, new employees are hired and old ones are fired, new collaborations are made breaking the old ones, new friends are found replacing the old ones, new relationship is sought replacing the old one.

Promises are responsibilities you take upon yourself setting an expectation bar. If we are not careful with them, they can lead to a lot of stress and disappointments. Remember,

For every promise, there is price to pay – Jim Rohn

Have you promised more than you could deliver? What price did you pay for it?

Protecting my relationships from the myth of common sense

March 26, 2007 in Personal Development | 1 comment

The myth of common sense needs to be shattered.

Earlier I couldn’t understand why people, especially some of my friends, are not able to comprehend things that are simple and quite obvious in my understanding.

I believed that a person in any given situation would act/react based on logical thinking by default. But it doesn’t work exactly like that.

I believed in existence of common sense and it led me to confusion and frustration. But not any more.

I have learned that actions and reactions that are obvious to me are not necessarily obvious to others and vice-versa.

FriendsEvery individual has different origin, experiences, and way of interpreting the situation. Based on which we feel that we have acquired the knowledge to act/react in a particular situation in the best possible way. In fact right now I am assuming that this is common sense by saying ‘we’ on your behalf. But of course, you might disagree with me. So it is not common sense.

Belief in existence of common sense doesn’t lead anywhere, definitely not to happiness. When we believe in common sense, we are disrespecting people who don’t ‘get it’ according to us. This is not a healthy attitude and eventually it leads to clashes in relationships.

Instead, now I believe in existence of responsibility. Responsibility to become a better person, an educated being. Responsibility to understand the world around us and our actions/reactions. Responsibility to respect others’ views and opinions. Responsibility to make relationships work.

I have stayed in many different cities over the years changing schools and making new friends every time I moved. Fortunately, I have been blessed with great friends everywhere. Like others, I have seen and experienced the making and breaking of relationships. A group of friends disintegrates on petty arguments while another sustains through disagreements. Common sense has no role in it. Obvious is not obvious. Each individual has to become responsible to maintain relationships.

RelationshipsI have come to the conclusion that only those relationships survive in which each individual takes responsibility to accommodate both differential and integral aspects of the relationship. Yes, you read it right – differential and integral aspects of a relationship.

You might be thinking that I have lost my mind to talk about mathematical concepts. Not exactly. Let me explain what I mean by the differential and integral aspects of a relationship.

In differential approach an individual takes responsibility to keep and develop his own identity, and pursue individual goals. It helps in preserving who you are as an individual. It is a must-have feature. Flexibility and freedom play important role in it.

Whereas in integral approach each individual takes responsibility to respect each others’ identity and invest in each others’ goals. This too is a must-have feature. It helps in preserving who you are together. Cooperation and compromise play important role in this.

(Sounds simple but there is more to it. I will save it for another post.)

The presence of both differential and integral aspects is important to make and maintain good relationships. In absence of the differential aspect, an individual might feel suffocated where as in absence of the integral aspect, one might feel alone and disconnected. In either case, the relationship disintegrates.

I am not a relationships expert. But I am learning. Even if there exists something like common sense, I prefer to believe in responsibility, responsibility to become an educated being.

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