Educated Being » Humor http://www.educatedbeing.com Don't give. Educate. Don't take. Learn. Sun, 08 Aug 2010 21:53:22 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 How to stay in graduate school for eternity http://www.educatedbeing.com/2006/10/02/how-to-stay-in-graduate-school-for-eternity/ http://www.educatedbeing.com/2006/10/02/how-to-stay-in-graduate-school-for-eternity/#comments Mon, 02 Oct 2006 14:48:58 +0000 Rise http://www.educatedbeing.com/2006/10/02/how-to-stay-in-graduate-school-for-eternity/ GraduationWho wants to leave the graduate school (especially if you are in a Ph.D. program)? Not me. I get student discounts at my favorite restaurants and AMC movie theatres. If you are also interested in staying in graduate school forever, I have some guidelines for you.

  • Never define goals: Whatever you do, don’t ever try to define your degree objectives explicitly. If your goals are clear, you would feel like accomplishing them and that would lead to your graduation.
  • Never plan or make timetables: Work on impulse. Don’t create a timetable or milestones map. This way no one (not even you) would know where you are going with your work.
  • Don’t talk to other students: They lie about their progress. Keep to yourself. This way you would never know when others are graduating and you can have a peaceful stay as a student for a lifetime.
  • Don’t seek advice from professors: They don’t know anything better than you. Be non-existent in the department.
  • Trust your memory, don’t write: Don’t start writing ahead of time. Trust your memory and leave all the writing for the end (like there is one).
  • Learn to juggle: Do many things at a time. Don’t prioritize your to-do list (you shouldn’t have any).
  • Never backup your work: These computer machines don’t cost so much for nothing. Trust me they won’t crash. Even if they do, you can reproduce everything from your memory or redo things.
  • Plan B: Who thinks of a plan B in case things go wrong. Don’t be a paranoid.
  • Help others: Help others by letting them know how to stay in school forever just like I am helping you. Spread the word.
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