Who wants to leave the graduate school (especially if you are in a Ph.D. program)? Not me. I get student discounts at my favorite restaurants and AMC movie theatres. If you are also interested in staying in graduate school forever, I have some guidelines for you.
- Never define goals: Whatever you do, don’t ever try to define your degree objectives explicitly. If your goals are clear, you would feel like accomplishing them and that would lead to your graduation.
- Never plan or make timetables: Work on impulse. Don’t create a timetable or milestones map. This way no one (not even you) would know where you are going with your work.
- Don’t talk to other students: They lie about their progress. Keep to yourself. This way you would never know when others are graduating and you can have a peaceful stay as a student for a lifetime.
- Don’t seek advice from professors: They don’t know anything better than you. Be non-existent in the department.
- Trust your memory, don’t write: Don’t start writing ahead of time. Trust your memory and leave all the writing for the end (like there is one).
- Learn to juggle: Do many things at a time. Don’t prioritize your to-do list (you shouldn’t have any).
- Never backup your work: These computer machines don’t cost so much for nothing. Trust me they won’t crash. Even if they do, you can reproduce everything from your memory or redo things.
- Plan B: Who thinks of a plan B in case things go wrong. Don’t be a paranoid.
- Help others: Help others by letting them know how to stay in school forever just like I am helping you. Spread the word.
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